My Aunt just sent this through. What an incredible loss of an intelligent and wise voice.
Archive for January, 2008
Martin Luther King Jr. Day
Tuesday, January 22nd, 2008New Years Sunrise 08
Wednesday, January 16th, 2008
Sorry
Thursday, January 10th, 2008Apologies can be so powerful. I’m learning how to truly do them -to really feel the sorry before I say it. Really take responsibility for my part.
But it just struck me that there are a couple of responses I get.
Some people apologize for their part and take it in and forgive me.
What a great dynamic that is. Transforming everything and moving on. A much stronger bond between us. A brilliant reward for setting aside a bit of ego.
While others still hold on to a resentment. Which is fine, I suppose. You can’t force people to forgive. And in order to truly apologize, I can’t do it expecting an outcome.
I remember the first time I tried this out. I was 7 or 8 and had just had another fight with my friend Tammy. We had an understanding and when one of us apologized, the other was meant to say “that’s ok.” That’s just what we did. But this time, as she stood in the door of my room while I was standing on my bed tapping on the pin to the poster on my wall, when she said, “I’m sorry,” I said, “you should be.” And as soon as she turned around to leave, I knew that I had made a terrible mistake. Not only did I have to grovel this time, but the ‘it’s ok’ too a lot longer to squeeze out. It introduced a whole new level of complexity.
But the one I really hate is when a person takes my sorry and holds it over me as if ‘we both agree that you’re bad and I’m good.’ First of all, it’s rarely true -there are almost always two parts to the dynamic. But also, then, it becomes a kind of power play -driving a wedge between us. And I can’t bring it up again. Can’t take back my apology. Can’t demand they pony up in the openness stakes. It doesn’t work that way.
And yet what a waste. Because without that softness on the other side, there’s no magic allowed through.
Dad’s visit -NZ Fiords
Tuesday, January 1st, 2008Out the door and on the road by 6am racing to catch our 9am boat tour of the Fiords in the next town of Milford Sound. I really should somehow restrict Dad’s tea in the morning because even though we arrived A FULL HOUR EARLY, he still raced ahead on the path from the car park to the launch building all the while goading me for my slowness.
(Dad waiting for the boat companies to open -note the clock on the wall)
We passed the hour drinking more tea, observing the other tourists file in and watching the crew make their preparations on the big shiny new boat. As the time drew closer, we watched a smaller, shabbier boat pull into the next berth and realized that the name on its side was the same as on our pre-booked tickets.
(ours is on the left)
And so at 9am we filed on and set out into the sound heading towards the mouth of the ocean.
It was gorgeous. Just delightful.
We had great seats up front in a patch of sun that canceled out any chill from the light breeze. The commentary was perfect -just enough interesting info (not cheesy) and tons of time to simply relax and take it all in.
Best of all, because we were smaller, we got to dock over to the sides and pull in right next to waterfalls, penguins and seals (who completely ignored us -not even so much as a glance our way).
While the big shiny boat passed us on their way straight up the middle and back.